The Primal Call of the Golden Arches

I might be a CIA grad. I might work in one of my home state's best restaurants. I might limit my meat intake and drive a hybrid.
...I might also be human.
Every so often, the craving for fast food hits me. Not a quaint little tap on the shoulder, but a full throttle wallop. As my mind fills gleefully with images of gooey nacho cheese, the crisp snap of a McNugget, and the cool sensation of a chocolate Frostee, I take a step back. Sure, how easy it would be to stop at the Mickey-D's drive through on my way home, but is an Extra Value Meal really worth it?
On an emotional level, the idea of fast food is on the same plane as comfort food for many. There's something soul satisfying about fried food: salty, greasy, fat-loaded fried food. Virtually every culture has some sort of fried item, from pot stickers, to knishes, to crullers, fried food is universal. Thanks to this, many of us find some familiarity in the fried aspect of fast food.
Fast food is also easy. The drive through experience has increased in quality over the past few years, making pulling off the highway and driving away with your guilty pleasure even simpler. Bark your order into a menu with a microphone and part with a few bucks. Yes, some Americans have even mastered the art of car cuisine. No thanks - I don't feel like cleaning sweet and sour sauce off of my seats any time soon.
What truly stops me from feeding into these spastic cravings is the connotation that comes with being a fast food consumer.
I'm not fast, cheap, and easy.